What if Donald Trump Ran Against Donald Trump?

Okay, a lot of polls have come out lately that are really big for me. It’s true. It’s true. The polls coming out have me beating Hillary. But let me tell you something. Polls? Polls? Do you know what polls are? Do you know who responds to polls? Losers. They’re losers folks! They are! Believe me! They have land lines! That’s what you get those calls on, no one calls you on your cell and says “Who you gonna vote for?” It’s true. Polls are for hillbillies with land lines in their trailers.

 

And my supporters, they’re passionate, they’re very passionate people, they’re white, they’re many of them dirt poor, they’re ignorant, they’re white, they’re very, very stupid people, folks. So that’s the snapshot you get with a poll. Believe me. Little poor withe losers with debt coming out of their wherever just as dumb as a hammer telling some guy on the phone they’re gonna vote for me on their LAND LINE! Who even has those? Who still has those, do you people have those? Of course you do! That’s why you’re voting for me! I love my supporters, I do, I love them very, very much, because they can’t see how much they disgust me even when I make it obvious. Believe me. I make it very, very obvious. I’m the best at being obvious about people that disgust me. Believe me.

 

Chris Cjristie’s different. He knows he disgusts me. He has to, he has to! Look at him! Look at the fat, Jersey mug on that guy. I couldn’t look in a mirror if that was my face. I couldn’t. I’d hire the best white supremacist barber to shave me so I wouldn’t have to see my face if it was his. But Chris is going to vote for me! He went out and bought a land line so he could answer polls! I crushed him, I yumiliated him! He can’t get to the head of the line to kiss my ass fast enough! It’s like my ass is a donut! These are the people who vote for me! Sub normal white chumps with land lines and people like Chris who know better but when they see a donut like me, they have no control! Do you think that’s more than half the voters in the united states? I don’t, and I’m counting on it! Hey! I like gambling! I never thought I’d get this far! If I’m honest, I don’t even want to be President! I’d make a great host of being president. The ratings would go through the roof! But President? You people are so stupid! You have the best stupid.

 

My own kids couldn’t figure out how to vote in a primary! And they are so much better than you! Look at this crowd! Look at these beautiful people! My people are the best people, believe me, but how many of them do you think will be able to figure out how to register before the general election? How many could find the place you vote at? You have to be at the right place, I just found that out, you can’t just go where someone else is voting! It’s rigged! It is a rigged system. How many of them do you think could fill out an oval? I might not be able to! If I’m honest. Someone will show me, but on my own? I don’t even push the buttons on the elevator at Trump Tower! I don’t know how, I don’t do stuff like that, pushing buttons! I own the best, the very best white supremacist button pusher in New York, believe me. But I wouldn’t know what button he pushed even after I got out on the wrong floor! I’m very rich! If I’m honest I assume I know how to do things I don’t know how to do. Because I’ve always been very, very rich, folks. I am richer than all of you. Much richer. I have no idea how rich I am. I don’t know. I don’t know how you math that. When you negotiate you always tell people you’re the richest one there. No one knows who is. It’s too hard. So it’s possible my tax returns would say I’m not worth the amounts I make up based on how I feel about myself, which is pretty great. Why not? Why not? Believe me. So you are never going to see my tax returns. I’m going to release them. I am. I have no problem releasing my text returns after the election. I’m not going to release them, which I will release them at some point. I never said I would release them. Why would I say that? Can you believe the press? It’s disgusting. Oh boy. It is. I wanna see Wolf Blitzer’s tax return. It would be a short read. Because he’s not rich. No one cares about my tax returns, they’re long, my supporters don’t want something long, they are not strong readers.

 

 

I’m hard too look at, right? Come on, come on, a little. I do very good with the women. I do. Tens. The women love me. But not for what I look like. Come on! I’m a, what do you call it, a clinical narcissist, not a fuckin’ idiot. Right? I mean, I’m not as fat as Christie. I don’t have a disgusting woman body like Carly. I’m not a black guy like Carson or that, who was it, who was that little back guy that for a while was running? From Louisiana? Little guy. Skinny. But after that, I was the ugliest out of seventeen. It’s true! What color is my hair? Who knows? Sometimes it’s white, sometimes it’s yellow, sometimes it’s Ronald Macdonald color! It’s not even hair, it’s plastic strings! The very best white supremacist fake hair for baldies guy in Manhattan punched them into my head! It’s true! He had a gun! Like at the carnival games, so they can hang up all the made in china counterfeit Mario Brother’s plushies on the wall, they got a gun, pow, pow, it puts a hook right in their plush head! He had a gun just like that to put string in my head. You know, my head? With the white circles around my mouth and eyes, and everything else is pumpkin spice? Like I’m going to a minstrel show but I’m so stupid I don’t know what color black is, and then I go out in public looking like that? Believe me! Oh boy, folks! And I would do that! Be in a minstrel show! I would! I would! Because I do not like people who aren’t white, okay? Okay. They’re rapists. Okay.

 

Okay, lastly, I don’t bring this up because I don’t know enough about it to really to discuss it. I don’t, so I won’t bring it up, it’s out of bounds. But I will say, there are people who continue to bring it up because while I don’t know enough about it to say, those people are one hundred percent convinced that I have a micropenis. They say that Donald Trump has a tiny penis, something like a medium sized boiled shrimp. I don’t bring that up, because I don’t think it’s fair, and I only mention because I want to be clear that the people who are saying my penis is medically small, I can’t agree or disagree with those people, because I have not looked into my penis. I will. I will be looking into that. I have the very best white supremacist penis lookers on that right now and I will be making a statement one way or the other. So I’m not going to comment, which I don’t think I ever said I was going to comment. I don’t think that sounds like my voice. I just don’t. You do? Okay. Okay. I don’t hear that as my voice. It’s not my voice. Okay.

 

 

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One thought on “What if Donald Trump Ran Against Donald Trump?

  1. I can see you’re not a fan? From where I am the man seems to have the US in his heart and soul, says some stupid things ‘lets build a wall’, but he is all american and the way the world is going you need a leader who is tough.

    Hilary seems to be a bit soft, more of the same if you get my meaning but I can see her winning!

    With Trump up front the US will be a very wealthy, powerful country once again, with Hilary Clinton I can see the USA coasting along as it has with Obama. Just an opinion???

    Like

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