In The Future!

In the future, busy on the go folk will be able to satisfy their hunger by eating a dinner pill and washing it down with an ice cold, electrically stimulated memory of spring water!

In the Future, all the TV you could possibly want will play on the inside of your eyelids twenty four hours a day, seven days a week! Don’t like the show? Blink twice and select ‘menu’!

In the Future, all religions will be replaced by a hologram of Santa on the Cross!

In the Future, acts of terrorism will be ‘virtual’! Lie down! A ‘car Bomb’ just went off next to you!

In the future, the President of the world will be an artificial commingling of the brain stems of Nobel Prize winning scientists, economists and Wink Martindale!

In the Future, vast ecologic collapse will reduce the human race by 82%! The rest of us will live in burnt out RV’s and beat each other with sticks when we get hungry or bored!

In the Future anyone can have sex whenever they want, just by pressing their sex button!

In the Future, if you want to find out that Winston ‘Wink’ Martindale was an American disc jockey and game show host best known as the host of ‘Tic Tac Dough’ all you’ll have to do is blink twice and select ‘Ask Jeeves’

In the Future there will be no more racism or intolerance because everyone will be filled with murderous hatred for everyone else all the time just because of who they are! But don’t worry! ‘Victory Milk’ will keep you calm enough to keep from screaming!

In the Future, anyone who wants a ‘Game Boy’ can just take one for free right off the Game Boy stack!

In the Future, everyone will have a Clone of themselves for blood transfusions, organ transplants and skin grafts, and everyone will get a set of those noise canceling earphones they use at airports so they don’t have to hear their Clone shrieking through the walls of it’s Clone Closet!

In the future, Aliens will use astounding technology to travel to Earth from all over the galaxy and eat us!

In the future, your McColostomy will come with a side of fries, a choice of anesthesia and a toy!

In the Future all news will be supplied personally by a tiny, genetically engineered Tucker Carlson clinging to our privates and shouting through a doll sized megaphone!

In the Future, Dogs and Cats will develop opposable thumbs and a rudimentary intelligence, allowing them to perform the manual labor we now use immigrants for, until a month later they rise up and slaughter us!

In the Future, Goldfish will be mandatory!

In the Future, there will be theme parks where you can meet robot simulations of indigenous people and give them robot Smallpox!

In the Future, Nascar, Championship Bowling and Baseball will be combined in to a single sport! Participants will be chosen by involuntary compulsory lottery!

In the Future, it will be against the law to part your hair in the middle, wear ‘mutton chops’ or say ‘okey-dokey’.

In the Future, ‘The Internet’ will seem quaint and old fashioned. Instead, all information will be forbidden.

In the future, when you sneeze, instead of saying ‘Gazunteit’ or ‘God Bless you’ people will point at you and make that ‘EEEEEEEEE’ sound Donald Sutherland made in the 1978 remake of ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’.

In the future if you want to know what the ‘EEEEEEEEE’ sound Donald Sutherland made in the 1978 remake of ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ was like, you can hop in your time machine, go back to now and look it up on the ‘U Tube’. (for ‘you’!)

In the Future, dinosaurs will come back. When we ask what happened to them, they’ll pretend not to hear us.

In the Future, some children will have non functional wings and small, useless front claws, but be able to sing whole operas in a single breath out a blow hole on the back of their neck. We will call them ‘Chubbies’ and make them wear green, one piece jump suits and Tattoo the letter ”C” right on their faces!

In the future, the phrase ‘what’s up?’ will be replaced by ‘Twist ‘em, Mickey.’!

In the Future, the Bible will be forgotten, but people will make frequent literary reference to the complete works of V.C. Andrews. Blink twice and select ‘Flowers in the Attic’!

In the Future, ‘Take Out Chicken’ will be all we eat, but it will be made from Seaweed, Shaving Cream and Human Waste!

In the future everyone will be happy all the time because of the Joy wire laced into their skull at birth.

In the Future when you’re done living, all you have to do is blink twice and select “Jane, shut this crazy thing off.”


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