The 100 Days of Misery Project : Chunk Three

 

#100daysofmisery #Day21 : How long can you lie in bed before you have to start worrying about bedsores?

 

#100daysofmisery #Day22 : When I was a kid there was a very popular poster of a terrified kitten clinging desperately to a branch with the caption “Hang in there, baby.” There was another very popular poster of a miserable infant with an upturned bowl of spaghetti and sauce on its head. My point is, the Seventies was a horrible decade to grow up in.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day23 : I am not a ‘glass half full’ kind of guy. I am not a ‘glass half empty’ kind of guy either. I am a ‘What the hell is in that glass? It looks suspect. You find fluid levels so significant, why don’t you drink it?’ kind of guy.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day24 : Defenestrate, verb, to throw a person out of a window; from the Latin ‘De’ (Out) ‘Fenestra’ (Window). When God closes a door, he opens a window.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day25 : May 28’th, cloudy, showers, low fifties, makes me feel like a clinically depressed, soaking wet baboon with a concussion in an Iron lung. Is that an overreaction or a poem?

 

#100daysofmisery #Day26 : You know how sometimes you look at a word or phrase and read it as something different before your brain accurately decodes it? Yesterday I saw my name, my own name, ‘Max Burbank’, on facebook and initially read it as ‘Wax Museum’.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day27 : Judging by the number of ‘likes’ these daily entries receive, more than a few of you take pleasure in my misery. Let me assure you, listening to me sit around and bitch every day is far less entertaining in real life. Just ask my Bride, who has been tolerating it for twenty-one years as of today. So maybe this entry is her misery more than mine. Happy anniversary, darling.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day28 : Today is the gorgeous spring day we have all been waiting for. The sky is so blue, the trees are a million shades of green, it’s warm but not hot. On a day like today, it’s hard to be cranky. But not impossible. Life is about making the effort.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day29 : We live in a world of devastating natural disasters, mind boggling injustice and unimaginable human cruelty, but here’s the thing; My toaster oven is literally falling apart. I have to use a coffee mug to keep the toast lever down, it does not stop on it’s own, if I forget to check it my toast catches on fire. The only two models on the shelf at Target have multiple controls of Starship level complexity I am certain I don’t need. I am not making a Thanksgiving dinner in there. I want toast, sometimes with melted cheese on top. They have a simpler model on display, but it is perpetually out of stock and I am beginning to think the only reason they have a display model is to make fun of me. The upshot is I will almost certainly burn my house down within the next three months. So I think you see my point.

 

#100daysofmisery #Day30 : When I was eleven years old, the comet Kohoutek was discovered. On TV we were told it would appear to be half the size of a full moon with a tail stretching a quarter of the night sky. I was beside myself with excitement and anticipation. When it arrived, at least from my vantage point in North Andover Massachusetts, it could not be seen without the aid of a telescope. This wasn’t the only event that shaped my world view, but ‘Dayenu’.

 

#100daysofmisery #interlude : Okay, I am forced to take a day off from being miserable. You may recall that on Day 29, I complained about the state of my Toaster oven and the threat it posed to the well being of my family. Yesterday I arrived at work to find a package waiting for me. There was no return address (beyond ‘The Fire Department’, which I don’t really believe). A great deal of effort had gone into the packaging which was decorated with graphics from an on-line column I had written several years ago. Inside was a brand new toaster oven, a very simple model that met the specifications outlined in my earlier complaint. Whoever you are, I am moved by this kind, thoughtful, funny gift. Have I mentioned our car is falling apart?

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